децембар 15, 2025

Roman ULOG- šesti deo

5 година ago admin

Roman ulog

Negde u drugom razredu gimnazije počeo sam ozbiljnije da se interesujem za muziku. Napravili smo bend sa ciljem da stignemo do naslovnih strana. Fafa je pevao, Ćira svirao bas, Targa klavijature, Nebojša bubnjeve, a ja sam svirao gitaru. Pred nama su pucali vidici, sve boje poprimile su neke tople nijanse. Život je dobijao na punoći, a mi smo postajali zreliji. Kockanje je ostalo u hladu, sa skrivenom namerom da se odmori, i kako se pokazalo kasnije, sustigne me u nekom drugom koraku.

Te 1987. godine snimili smo demo-snimak u profesionalnom studiju gde su snimale poznate face. Zagrizli smo žestoko i oblepili ceo grad nekim sunčanim plakatima, najavljivajući svoj prvi nastup i promociju demo-snimka. Uzburkali smo grad.

Posle par gostovanja na radio-stanicama i jednog na famoznom Prvom programu RTS-a, počeli su da nas prepoznaju na ulici. Provincija je dobila svoj bend. Celo to leto, proveli smo u kućici na kraju grada vežbajući za nastup.

Dugo su padale kiše osvete

I htele su samo mene

Ako sam te voleo, nisam te ubio

Pa da mi se večno sudi

 

Idi sada i ne zovi me više

Jer kiše osvete mogu nas ubiti

Idi sada i ne traži me više

Ljubavi našoj nema leka…

 

Muziku je napravio Targa, a ja tekst. Sve je to dosta dobro zvučalo  s obzirom na to da nam niko nije pomagao u radu. Distorzija ume da sakrije neke sitne nedostatke…

Osvanuo je dan nastupa, i sasvim neočekivano promenio je naše planove. Fafin otac je umro negde pred zoru, srce nije izdržalo treći infarkt. Razbila se slika.

Kako ćemo da nastupamo?

Ko će da peva?

Kažu, kada čovek nešto silno želi to mu se i desi. Nama je sve išlo kontra. Odlučili smo jednoglasno da uprkos svemu nastupimo.

– Da pevam ja ?- pitao sam.

Par sati kasnije sedeli smo iza scene i čekali svoj red za nastup. Ređali su se amateri, volonteri. Treštale su harmonike,crvenele se seljanke…falširale…poskakivale. Radodajke. Publika je sve nagrađivala objektivnim aplauzom. Da znate samo kako mrzim te aplauze reda radi, osrednjost. Kako je bilo? «Tako, nije bilo loše» ili « lepo je bilo». Ne volim to, ili si bio super, ili si bio očajan, ništa između ne postoji.

– A sada, poštovana publiko samo za vas- najavljivao je voditelj programa uz zvuk mikrofonije- Betoven bend!

U publici vrisak. Utakao sam kabel u gitaru i raspalio distorziju. Nebojša je odbrojao palicama 1…2…3…4.

 

Puna sala. Gledao sam u masu, bilo je oko četristo ljudi. U prvi mah, masa mi je izgledala kompaktno, jednolično, ali sam uporno gledajući u nju, uspeo da je razvodnim. Skoro sve sam ih poznavao iz viđenja. Đole mi je mahnuo i bilo mi je tako milo zbog toga. Iza njega je stajala nastavnica hemije i…mnogo toga može da stane u tih četri minuta koliko traje pesma. Poklonili smo se i ispraćeni ovacijama, mahnuli i nestali iza scene.

U garderobi nas je čekao Fafa. Zagrlili smo se.

Novac koji smo do tada trošili na kockanje, sada smo ulagali u muziku. Nastavili smo da snimamo i da sviramo po radnim akcijama. Kako je samo lepo biti slobodan, biti svoj, neopterećen! Svi vi koji niste dužni, nikada ni nemojte da se zadužujete!

 

Jesen, septembar 1989. godine. Skoplje.

Mirno! Na desno ravnajs! Ostav! Ravnaj, brže…brže!

– Drugovi vojnici, zdravo!

– Zdravo!

Bilo je tu raznih likova iz cele bivše, velike, nerasparčane zemlje. I drago mi je što sam imao tu sreću da se sretnem sa momcima iz Hrvatske, Slovenije, Bosne, Makedonije…

Družeći se sa njima godinu dana i posmatrajući ih kako prolaze kroz razne prijatne i neprijatne situacije, još čvršće podržavam tezu da smo svi mi bili uvučeni u veliki prljavi rat, da smo bili samo oruđe u rukama ko zna kakvih kretena.

– Cilj današnje teme je da prođe vreme- govorili su nam desetari.

Ponašao sam se u skladu sa predlogom da ne kažem naredbom. Dani su mi prolazili kako su oni hteli, a ja ih nisam brojao, precrtavao, već sam se trudio da što manje razmišljam o njima. U vojsci inače ne treba puno razmišljati, jer tu ima zaista mnogo nelogičnosti.

Za tih godinu dana nisam se kockao ni jednom niti sam razmišljao o tome. Okruženje je bilo takvo i to je još jedna potvrda moje teze: da bi kockar eksplodirao i aktivirao se mora da postoji neka inicijalna kapsla. To vam je kao kada jedna bačena grudva uspe da izazove lavinu, akcija- reakcija. Ja sam svoju glad za igrom zadovoljavao na drugačije načine.

– Šta ćeš ti ispred kancelarije kapetana? – upitao me debeli Slovenac- Da nećeš možda da tražiš vikend odsustvo? Ja sam u vojsci sedam meseci i još nisam išao kući, a ti bi posle mesec dana gušteru.

– U pravu si džombo,  samo, to je ipak tvoj problem.

Ja sam želeo da odem kući i otišao sam. Cela četa je bila u šoku kada sam posle nepuna dva meseca vojske dobio odsustvo od pet dana. Nisam imao nikakvu vezu, imao sam priču. Priču koja je mogla da prođe, patetična, romantična i nadasve drčna. Trebalo mi je dvadesetak dana da matiram kapetana.

Da li sam ga zaista matirao, ili se on sam predao pred mojom ofanzivom?

Mislim da je ipak bio mat damom. Damom koja je ostala u drugom stanju. Damom koja nije imala majku, već samo oca pijanca koji bi je ubio da sazna. Damom koju moram hitno da posetim i pomognem joj da rešimo problem, zajedno. Izmišljenom damom.  Potporu cele priče dala mi je drugarica u jednom pismu u kome je po dogovoru odglumila sve što je bilo potrebno. Ukus pobede mi je bio slađi nego tih pet dana kod kuće, jer  sam voleo da se nadigravam.

U vojsci sam dobio i jedno čudno priznanje koje mi je mnogo značilo. Bio sam komandir izdvojene straže kada je kapetan došao u nenajavljenu posetu i zatekao sve po PS-u. Po povratku u kasarnu postrojio je vojnike i rekao:

– Bio sam u kontroli straže i onaj jebač drži sve pod kontrolom. Iznenađen sam vrlo prijatno jer to je potvrda onoga što govorim godinama: ako si sposoban da pobegneš u grad i da napraviš milion sranja, onda si sposoban i da ispuniš zadatak kada ti se poveri. Dakle, ako si sposoban za nešto, onda si sposoban za sve, a ako nisi ne pomažu ti ni šifonske gaće.

E, moj kapetane, gde li si sada?

Praznična, pusta, porodična nedelja, ispratila me iz Skoplja. Vardar se izležavao u hladu starog mosta. To je sada druga zemlja…

+381693342321

And everyone who wants to support the writer. THANK YOU

PEY PAL >   edukacija.herc@gmail.com

 

 

 

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